I have a secret …

About ~ C a r s o n ~ …..

And no, i’m not a child who insists on pretty-ing up their names. I don’t want the names searchable. By those children.

ANyway — he bought a ring. A really nice one. He’s proposing this weekend I think. I’m not supposed to know either. It’s a surprise for all of us. We only know because Jay is friends with the bosssman, and he said congratulations, and Jay said huh? So it was explained and Jay talked to him about it. He’s got a plan, he’s got a ring, and he’s popping that question – but that they will wait until at least he graduates. 2 years. I say that’s horseshit. I give it less than a year before they can’t hack it and get married.

Either way – I’m thrilled for them. I love them both.

Ran into ~L~ at

work today as I was putting out the box mail. I worked with her years ago. I was there with her and the rest of the girls when the call came in that ~ I a n ~ had tested positive for Duchenne. She was about to cry today when I told her how old he was. Yes, it’s that scary. Everyone in his life is trying desperately to stop time. Stop it and give it all to him. Boys with duchenne – they don’t beat it. It’s not like cancer and you have a sliver of hope. I know we have none. There is no hope. There’s no cure, fuck, there’s no treatment. Nothing but steroids. Help the body now, so your bones can pay for it later. Like 9 calcium infusions, 5 broken bones, and soon-to-have spinal rods later. There are some trials going on , but they all want ambulatory so they can gauge progress – and I get that. But gggeeeebus, they need to hurry the fuck up. Exon 53 is in the works – that’s the one ~ I a n~ needs. He has a deletion of 45-52, and this trial drug targets that range. This drug is supposed to fill in the blanks as the body goes to form a muscle and there is no dystrophin to complete the job. It’s not perfect, and it’s not a cure, but it might hold things off a little longer. Maybe long enough for some brilliant young scientists to bless us with a cure. Please.

I knew this would happen.

I would forget to blog. Or I have something to say but no time to it.

I’m training in a new location at work. I’m not liking it, but oh well. It pays well to suck this bad

I’m still in a pretty good mood. It’s amazing what taking ALL your pills will do. In stead of forgetting 3-4 nights a week. Just laziness. When I remember to take them, I can’t for what ever reason. Not home, in the tub, etc. Or I’m just lazy and tell myself that I’ll catch them on my way to bed. Can’t keep them by my bed, because , i don’t know. I don’t like pills laying around. Even though my kids would never ever take shit from me. Nada once has anything – money, pills, booze – has ever been stolen. They know that they just have to fucking ask. ANd maybe hear a lecture. 🙂

Anyway, where was I? I’m taking the pills now because Jay has to take his. Did I update on that? He has high cholesterol and an inactive thyroid. Oh and 3 of the 4 polyps were precancerous. Fanfuckingtastic. Not thinking about that shit. He was lucky he didnt wait any longer to have the test.

Carson just got back from southern MO to visit his sweetheart. Drove 5 hours after working the am shift to get there. SPent Sun, Mon together , and had to drive back today for work. Fuck that. Young love and all that, but fuck that. Well, let me think about it. We got married so young for the same reason – we were sick without each other. That makes us sound all corny and shit, but it is what it is. I still feel that way when he’s gone out of town. I don’t sleep, I hardly eat. I couldn’t take any more deployments so he got out of the Army. I just need him around. All the time. I bet he feels smothered. I mean, I am not going to stop stalking him when he gets home every night, but at least I recognize his pain.

Finally, a minute to sit.

One sec … Funny, that rest lasted less than a minute. Oh well.

I am in a great mood, considering some of the flat out fucking depressing aspects of my life. Overall, today, we’re doing great. We are so blessed. Truth be told, I’d give up the extra money we have with only 3 kids in the house if we could go back to the days when I would have to cook for 8-10 kids every night.

Been around the world ….

and I can’t find my baby. That song played just now on my playlist. That song was on the radio when I first saw Jay in person , up close – 29 years ago – when we were both in the Army at Ft Lee VA in training. Then I found out I was going to Germany and he was staying stateside. This song played over and over for weeks, while we got closer, and the thought of separating was causing me to be physically ill. I had never felt that way before. The only way to switch duty stations was to get married. So we did. He had just turned 18 years old – like 2-3 weeks prior, and I was a month away from 19. Parents handled it quite well, actually. We got married in a courthouse- just him and I, and our best friends from our unit. No parents, wasn’t time. We figured we would have a formal wedding later. Then 7-8 years go by, we divorce, separate for 4 months, and reunite. We remarry in a small ceremony at our house. Again, spur of the moment at the urging of the kids to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend. I plan on a formal wedding someday, just because. I should note that I love planning it. By the time we get around to it, it’s gonna be fucking awesome…we’ll be 90, but it will be awesome.