Damn, I remembered the other thing ….

Look at me go. Jay wants to offer the kids (Carson and his girl ~LA~) the downstairs to live in – rent free, till they graduate – but they have to graduate. Pretty sure Carson will. He’s going to be a mechanical engineer with technical design as his focus. I have no fucking idea what that is or what they do – but it sounds nice and the pay ain’t bad.

They basically live in the dorm now. Her dorm room. That she is paying out the ass for. She works on campus, but the room and board is expensive. So, they were talking about moving into an apartment in the fall. So Jay came up with this idea of them living here. They’re both 20. Not worried about her living there, I’m worried what her parents are going to think of us. Not all parents are as …. I refuse to say progressive …. laid back as we are. We talk about masturbation at the dinner table. Not much is off limits – kids can always tell us anything.

i can’t tell if this would be cool or not. I like her a lot. But what if I flip my shit ? The other girls have witnessed my wrath – I guess it’s her turn . I never yell at them – but Jay and I have have ‘heated’ discussions with them in the house. She’s super super sweet. Kind of girl that wants a man to be her protector and provider – but strong enough not to need one. She likes cuddling and holding hands and walking and all that sappy jazz. Carson likes it too. He adores her. I’m so glad. So so glad. How did my crazy boy that …….. well, I shouldn’t …… well, who would demand to know if his ass was clean after he went to the bathroom. By bending over bare assed and spreading them cheeks. Company or not. Till he was about 6. Poor kid.

Should I tell the kids that stumble upon this that my free writing is choppy and winded and without proper use of punctuation? Or that I say what I want and rarely erase. However, they are safe from past posts. I got rid of everything except the pictures and skins. It actually made me cry, but what doesn’t?

I do speak my mind and I forget my place sometimes. That’s why I deleted everything. I don’t want someone hurt because of some casual snide remark I made and hurt their feelings and the friendship in the process. I once thought it a wonderful gift to my kids, but some things are best left unknown.

Hurting people unnecessarily isn’t cool.

How the fuck did my question end up here? Ohhhhhhh adhd – I remember now. I can’t make my brain sit still. I take adderall for it, but she won’t put me on a high dose – a therapeutic dose – because I’m bipolar. She think s she’s nuts for letting me try it anyway – but it’s actually help regulate my sleep. I get sleepy, which is new because I used to go for days without sleep – not now. It helps me slow up and think shit through. Rash decisions, no real hobbies or entertainment because I can’t sit still long enough to watch a movie. I hate tv because it uses MY lifeminutes to broadcast a fake fucking life that isn’t real and doesn’t make a fuck’s difference to my life – yet my husband watches anything and everything he can. He’s seen shawshank redemption 47 times. I am not kidding. I count when ever he stumbles upon that sumbitch and insists on watching it yet again. Ok, I will admit – if spongebob or deadliest catch or overboard come on – I won’t change the channel or turn it off. I won’t admit I like them, but I like them.

Damn, I’m hungry.

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