Maybe I’m not so fine …

I just want to go back to when he was born – back when I knew nothing. When he was healthy and happy and his future unwritten.

Back before the broken bones and the curved feet and the scoliosis. Back when I did not even know Duchenne existed. When I held him all day and spoiled him rotten. Back when he could walk and go to the bathroom by himself. That really really sucks to have to rely on others for your potty breaks. Embarrassing. I try to make it a non-issue as much as I can and chat about school and such while he’s emptying out his bladder. But when the night comes and he has to go #2? Talk about humiliating. Especially when someone has to wipe your ass. He’s 15. He does not want anyone wiping his ass. That poor kid. He deserves every little fucking thing I ever gave him as payback for what he has to endure as a result of the MD.

Maybe i will take a nap.

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